I clearly don't need to elaborate on this, we're all familiar with Forrest. Today was an insane day, which matched the rest of my week actually. I'm having this weird combination of emotions when I'm not really sure how I feel about anything. I do remember that the last time life was this hectic was when I moved out to Phoenix. That was such a lifechanging experience it only makes sense that something would try to stop it.
I was a little apprehensive about moving and all of the things that are going on in life right now. I felt like us moving was the right thing to do after praying about it for the past 6 months or so. It's almost like buyers remorse, except it's not. I'm very excited about this chapter in our lives but it's occuring simultaneously with some other really weird stuff.
Right now, I'm trying to rest in the fact that I do believe that G-d knows what he's doing. This is hard for me, I've always had a hard time believing that G-d really wants good things for me. I had been so fearful of things I was really excited for this year to be a turning point for me. But, alas, I will not be running the race tomorrow because vertigo is hard enough to walk with and lets face it...puking on the other runners is not the way I'd like to start my race adventures. I'm okay with that, we're out the entrance fee but I have to trust that things worked out for a reason this way.
The place where we're moving is my top choice and it seemed like G-d had allowed that door to be closed and then it seemed like the moving was not going to happen due to some other circumstances. However, it seems to me now that in fact it was G-d intervening on our behalf to really give us what we were praying for. I have a very specific list of reasons as to why I'm praying for some of these things. After watching that fall into place I'm still surprised at the part of me that is fearful that G-d doesn't have my back.
In my attempt to be optimistic and hopeful for the future there are some things that I'm going to be doing differently. I know lots of people have hope chests for when they get married...I'm going to start one for when we have children. This is something that's very dear to my heart and that I've struggled with. To change my mindset, I will start purchasing things for my "hope" chest. I'm also having faith that the Lord will send me the right job at the right time doing what he's called me to, its just the waiting that's so hard.
I look at some things that have been happening in my life that could not be coincidences. I do believe that the Lord is working on my behalf and bringing people into my life who I can encourage and who can encourage me also. It's been a rough bit of time here as I've not met anyone who I can really hang out with and be myself with. I have some close friends and I know that G-d's put them into my life (ironically, even as cynical as I am towards "Christians" these people are wonderful and don't judge me at all for where I am).
I feel restless which is perhaps contributing to my weird mood. Occasionally, and seemingly often this year, I have to take a step back and realize that there are so many things in life that we can't change and to focus my energy on that is not the right thing to do. So, for at least the next 30 minutes I will remember to try to constantly cast everything on Him...I believe that He can handle it.
Prayer requests:
Help moving (as of now it's just me and josh)
Our car
Gainful employment
Direction as far as ministry etc goes.
I appreciate you guys.
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