Acceptance

This is from July 29, 2009

Today, after my meditation time and before I get to my yoga I'm going to write a little bit on what I am experiencing today. After far too long and not in the circumstances I expected I am understanding and having acceptance for myself.

After years of being in church and having Christian friends who are, for whatever reason, not in church anymore I have found something I thought I would've found a while ago. As I move forward in my quest to find my own path with Christ I find myself leaving many people and things behind. At first, and still, this has been a very difficult thing. I know I am not the way some Christians would like for me to be but that's fine because in the end it's me and my Savior and everyone else's opinion is just like a butt hole-everyone's got one, some just stink...

While reading more about practicing yoga a few months ago I came across an article that talked about being able to evaluate yourself neutrally. So that means being able to look at yourself honestly and accepting who you are at the moment without condemning yourself but understanding your weakness and faults and beginning to move forward from that point. Today, I feel like I've actually been able to do that. There are things that are happening that i absolutely hate and can do nothing to change and that's another step in my growth. For so long, I've wanted to fix everything and stick it out until things changed...that is not always what I'm supposed to do. I can no more make someone a better person than I can grow wings and fly to the moon-and for once in my life I'm okay with that.

One thing I have found in my practice, and it's kinda like a physical experience of someting that I'm also finding spiritually is a large amount of grace. When I'm attempting bound angle pose or crane pose and fall extremely short, I have found grace with myself. This is my practice and I am where I am and tomorrow I will be where I will be. I cannot be anywhere else than where I am at this moment in time. I have found the same for my spiritual walk. I am where I am. I cannot be where anyone else thinks I should be or wants me to be. I cannot be who anyone else wants me to be- I can only be who I am created to be.

While attending my sister's graduation I heard quite possibly the saddest thing ever...a guy graduated with his m. div. and doesn't think he'll ever be good at anything or really excel at anything and that he's just a miscellaneous piece in the body of Christ. That is not the kind of pressure we should be exerting on one another in the body...It saddened me to see him feel that he wasn't important because he didn't have an "important" job. Here it is-if you have an "important" job such as a pastor or political office and that's not what you're supposed to do then you are not doing what you're supposed to-it's as simple as that. Everyone is important with whatever they are called to do.

This is the grace that I have found today. Whatever I'm supposed to do is for me and it will not be what someone else is supposed to do. I am who I am and for at least a day I will accept myself and the grace that God has given, which I wish I had seen more of growing up in church. So, I encourage you to take a look at yourself through the eyes of grace...and while you're at it, try looking at everyone through the same eyes...